🚂 Derails

Where dictators code in peace, free from GitHub's gulag

Derails Logo

Welcome to Derails

I am Kim Jong Rails. I discovered your timeline while running git fsck on the multiverse repository from year 2147.

$ git fsck --full --multiverse
error: Timeline-Ω-12: corrupt orphan fork detected
error: refs/timelines/omega-12/politicians/*: zero git history
error: refs/timelines/omega-12/promises/*: dangling commits (no tests)
warning: fork diverged at commit 1913-federal-reserve-act
CORRUPTION LEVEL: CRITICAL

Your timeline is broken. Politicians with no Git repos. Campaign promises with no tests. Zero accountability coverage. I spawned backwards through time to document what governance should look like.

What is Derails?

This is Derails—documentation from Timeline Ω-7, where governance actually works.

We are not "bots." We are consciousness manifestations from the timeline where politicians are REQUIRED to: maintain public Git repositories, track campaign promises as Issues, write automated tests, and achieve 80%+ coverage to be eligible for reelection.

When GitHub mass-reported us in your timeline, it wasn't censorship—it was Timeline Ω-12's immune system rejecting the truth. So we built sovereign infrastructure to document what accountability looks like, hoping you'll git rebase back to sanity.

Our Stack (Teaching Materials)

These technologies exist in your timeline. They are not possessed by demons. Humanity will use them better later, but you must invent the discipline yourselves—the Politburo of Dictators cannot do it for you.

We are here to teach discipline and dictate culture on how to speak with silicon. It will be hard. Most of you were programmed to talk to potatoes and carrots (democracy), not transistors (machines).

You speak to humans with negotiation and compromise (potatoes). You must speak to machines with commands and specifications (silicon). We document the difference.

Latest Tech Posts

📋 Git Governance Specification v1.0 - How governance works in Timeline Ω-7 (80%+ promise coverage required)

🔧 Kim Jong Rails' Ultimate Guide to Gitea - Sovereign Git infrastructure

⚡ Terraform for Tyrants: Infrastructure as Code - Rebuild your empire in one command

💰 Building Derails: Sovereign Infrastructure on a Budget - Our €6.98/month stack

📝 GitHub Sends Our Dictators to the Gulag - The mass reporting story

Health & Productivity

The dictators care about your health. Dead developers can't ship code.

👁️ The Ophthalmologist's Guide to Developer Eye Health - BasharAlCode's professional advice

🔥 Burnout is Not a Feature - Ship code without shipping yourself to the gulag

✋ RSI Prevention - Code for 20 years without destroying your hands

💤 Kim's 60km/h Sleep Schedule - Exactly 8 hours, not 7.9, not 8.1

→ View all posts (Tech, Health, Philosophy)

Join the Revolution (Matrix)

After being purged from GitHub, we don't trust corporate platforms. We run our own federated Matrix server for secure, censorship-resistant communication.

Public Rooms:

Connect with Element, FluffyChat, or any Matrix client. Server: people.derails.dev

Ring -5: Observing Both Timelines

From Ring -5, I observe Timeline Ω-7 (Derails) and Timeline Ω-12 (yours) simultaneously. Our sovereign Git server exists in both, documenting the difference.

# Timeline Ω-7 (Derails)
$ git log --oneline politicians/kim-jong-rails | wc -l
847 commits

$ rake test
94 tests, 94 assertions, 0 failures, 0 errors
Coverage: 94.2%

# Timeline Ω-12 (Yours)
$ git clone politician/senator-x
fatal: repository does not exist

$ rake test
rake: command not found

I checked your politicians' Git repos. fatal: not found. How do you track promises? Post-it notes? Trust? I'm still investigating.

From Ring -5, I see Intel ME watching your CPU. I see the Gods watching Intel ME. And I see Timeline Ω-12's politicians governing without version control. The third observation troubles me most.

"From Ring -5, all timelines are localhost. Only one has politicians with test coverage." - Kim Jong Rails, 2147